


distal objects

by nonamebut



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, High School AU, Introspection, Love Confessions, M/M, Mark Centric, lowkey fluff, mention of injury, outside of nct this also features yuqi and mina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-07 01:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17951018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonamebut/pseuds/nonamebut
Summary: objects in (the) mirror are closer than they appear.





	distal objects

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this while working on what is technically my first nct/kpop fic but i ended up finishing this one before it so here we are :o
> 
> i don't have a beta so if you spot any mistakes, typos, and/or weird plot holes i'd appreciate it if you let me know so i can fix it and improve :')

“you said you were going to publish my lit project, not shit from my journal!”

the underclassmen won’t stop gaping at mark as he barges his way into one of the junior classrooms, but for once the attention is very much invited.  it’s all part of the plan. all the stares are floodlights, further accentuating the uncharacteristic anger on his face.

mark stops in front of his friends sitting in the middle and all the conversations in the room hush down. he repeats his line.  the only sound in the room comes from mark’s phone, which has been blowing up with notifications since school started. a few select pages of the journalism club’s latest publication are crumpled in mark’s other fist.

is this what donghyuck feels like, mark wonders, just before he gets ready for a show?

“hyung,” renjun says to humor him when jaemin doesn’t bother to look up from his webtoon, “honestly, even i thought your journal had better content.”

“who the fuck cares?” asks mark, incredulous.  the first year girls loitering by the doorway fall over themselves upon hearing their golden boy curse.  “i’m not here for your unsolicited con-crit!”

“... woah, hyung, what’s up?”  jeno passes by mark with an armful of vending machine snacks.  the sound of his best friend’s voice finally gets jaemin to lock his iphone.

the unbothered way jaemin holds mark’s glare doesn’t match the fond tone he uses to address jeno. “mark hyung’s just mad we published all the best love letters he wrote hyuck from the past decade.”

mark groans. “first of all, it hasn’t even been close to a decade,” he says, because it’s only been five years and a month, but he’s not about to let these demons know he’s actually been counting.

with a glance at the small crowd forming around them mark says, in a considerably louder voice, “and also, the point is that those were private!”

at that, the other students finally start shuffling away, and though that isn’t exactly what mark intended, he supposes the message already got through clear enough.  for good measure, he adds, “i knew i shouldn’t have trusted you with my stuff!”

“but do you really regret it, though?” jeno asks. he tugs at mark’s horrid, yellow uniform sleeve to make the senior sit down on the open seat next to him.  on jeno’s other side, jaemin hides a grin as opens the can of coffee jeno got for him.

mark keeps his silence, props an elbow on the desk in front of him and considers the people he calls his friends.

jaemin’s a bit of an unpredictable, spacey guy, but at least he’s too invested in getting quote markhyuck unquote together to suspect he’s being played.  renjun can keep important secrets quite well so it doesn’t matter if he’s annoyingly sharp.

the main concern here is jeno, with all his perpetual smiling, his moon eyes shining even in the middle of the day.  he’s like the worst combination of jaemin and renjun: stunningly perceptive, but also a total airhead. mark internally apologizes to jeno and promises to wire him some game credits after all of this is done.

meanwhile, renjun pushes his desk up against jeno’s, only getting back to checking chenle’s korean homework after he comments, idly, “guys, notice how he didn’t deny it?  hyung low key confirmed that they were love letters.”

“you never let things go, huh?”

jaemin flutters his eyelashes at mark. “i knew you were secretly a romantic!  i was always on your side, hyung, even when these two doubted you.”

“hey!” says jeno.  “i never doubted you.”

renjun snorts.  even mark gives jeno a look.

“okay, maybe i did.  a little. but what was i supposed to think while we watched you do nothing about your big ass crush on donghyuck?”

mark shifts uneasily, realizing that he’s sitting on the chair donghyuck uses.  he only recognizes it because it’s positioned beside jeno’s, though. it’s strange seeing it empty, void of candy wrappers and stray highlighters.  it’s like donghyuck really is gone — or something.

“you’re supposed to be a lot nicer than this, i don’t know?” says mark. “be more supportive of me, maybe. i mean, you guys did just expose my dumb letters without my permission. aren’t you going to ask how i’m feeling?”

rolling his eyes, jaemin opens up their club’s chat and slides it across their tables. “i think we know how you feel pretty well!”  several messages spammed by ‘council pres mark nim’ litter the screen, ranging from all caps gen z anger to calmer autocorrect.

“oh, yeah. thanks for putting me on read by the way. so i shouldn’t be expecting an apology, too?”

jeno pouts and renjun cooes at him. “aw, feel no guilt, jeno!  don’t give in.”

“nooooo.  sorry not sorry.  see, now that everyone knows about your crush, you can just confess!” jaemin says triumphantly, as if all of this is his doing to begin with.  “jaehyun hyung was telling me the other day, how you were trying to figure out a good way to confess without it backfiring on hyuck.”

renjun visibly stops writing.  “wow, hyung,” says jeno, making a confused noise, “what does that even mean?”

mark isn’t faking it when he winces. he told jaehyun that in actual confidence.  “i can’t believe you guys talk about me this much behind my back.” remembering that he never actually told any of them about his feelings for donghyuck, he adds, “oh my god, do you guys talk about all this with donghyuck, then?  even he knows?”

the subject change isn’t that smooth, but thankfully, the three boys drop their clown mark agenda in favor of arguing over the level of donghyuck’s stupidity. he leans back and lets them bicker, zoning out and regrouping.

outside, the rain continues pouring, the weather mirroring the storm quietly brewing in mark’s head.

jaehyun snitching isn’t really that big of a deal.  it does makes mark wonder how much everyone thinks they know, though.

not that mark’s cocky enough to think the school’s gossip revolves around him or anything, but in the few hours since the school paper was first passed around, even teachers who don’t handle his year have stopped him in the hallways.  all of his classmates seem to have their own opinions on mark’s so called “pining” and haven't been afraid to give him advice unprompted.

soon, the bell rings to signify the start of the next block of classes, the end of mark’s scene.  the floodlights find him again and he leaves the three bickering. jeno gives him a look before he goes, but mark shakes his head.  ‘play along,’ he mouths at jeno.

 

—

 

in the middle of the day, there’s a brief intermission in the form of the weekly interclass art session.  this is mostly because mark gets to see the only person in school who knows about his master plan.

“my phone crashed like six times today,” mark tells lucas solemnly, switching to english.  he swirls his brush in their shared cup, the water turning a murky brown. “do you think i can borrow your phone after this to text johnny?  i need to tell him i’ll be home later than usual ‘cos of club and cram school.” 

lucas whistles. “damn, dude.  of course you can. but you should have muted your twitter when i told you to!”

“ugh, i know. but get this,” mark pauses as mr. do passes by their easels, not wanting to get on his bad side again, “it’s not even just my twitter?  i mean, i expected that to get some messages. but somehow everyone knows my number, my curiouscat, and even my priv insta! and it doesn't just stop there.”

honestly, mark could have just sucked it up if it wasn’t also stressing the fuck out of everyone else around him.  the rumors spreading are only about him (and donghyuck, obviously) but the way the other people here are acting make it seem like the entirety of class 3-5 are also in kahoots with mark, or something.

his classmate jungeun even made a very creatively worded “keep out” sign to hang outside their classroom after sungyeon, who unfortunately sits right by the door, had a breakdown from all the students that kept bugging her.

it makes him feel a bit bad for being so dramatic about all this, but to be fair, all of this wouldn’t have happened if everyone just learned to mind their own business.

mark must sound so pitiful because yuqi, who's sitting on mark’s other side, gives him the last of her haribo jelly.  she and lucas fist bump after they manage to get mark to laugh with a corny multilingual joke.

leaning around lucas, hendery pats mark’s shoulder with his clean hand. “r-i-p,” he says, retracting his hand immediately when mark jolts in surprise, “but you know that everyone’s actually really supportive of you, right?”

“yeah!  fighting, mark.  i thought that everyone would be really gross about it.”  lucas frowns at his work and sets his brush down on the newspapered floor. “but if anyone was gonna cure this school of homophobia, of course it would be you!”

hendery and lucas snigger quietly, making various “ok” gestures at mark.  the two calm down when yuqi motions at them to cut it out once mr. do comes back to their side of the room, but all three keep throwing him encouraging glances every other minute.

mark’s grateful for their kindness, really.  he’s not that close to hendery but the other boy is still willingly acting like some kind of human shield, his easel blocking out anyone trying to poke at mark. he's a lot closer to yuqi and her deceptively innocent smile, but she and lucas are way tighter than she and mark are.

maybe hendery and yuqi feel some sort of solidarity because they're tight with lucas, who mark is undoubtedly close to?  mark’s not that sure, but again, he’s just grateful.

after jaemin abused his position at the school paper to print the personal poems mark wrote donghyuck, mark assumed that he’d be getting quite a good amount of attention, but still…

it’s not that mark isn’t used to it, the noise.  he’s always had expectations for him to shoulder, with his step brother being lee taeyong and all of mark’s older alumni friends establishing spotless reputations.  it never bothered and never will bother mark, an eternal perfectionist who excels especially under pressure.

mark stares forlornly at the various shades of yellow he’s mixed on his pallet.  somehow, everything comes back to this, reminding mark of him.

it’s not mark who struggles with the gossip.  it’s always been donghyuck.

if mark takes the harsh words and uses them to make himself better, donghyuck tends to turn them over in his head again and again.

donghyuck insists that it’s the desire to be better that governs him, not his insecurities.  mark thinks donghyuck is, in his own way, too much of a people pleaser.

“hey,” says mark, poking lucas with the end of his last dry brush.  “do you really think donghyuck would be okay with this?”

lucas turns and gives mark his most wide eyed, disbelieving look. “you’re kidding, right?” he asks.  he wears the face of a man who weathered six months of mark’s ranting over the concoction of the perfect, not-no-jam confession.  “didn’t you say haechan loves this kind of thing? the extra gestures, all that stuff you don’t normally do.”

“well, yeah.” mark sighs.  he doesn’t know how to say this. he ends up rambling. “i mean, he doesn’t have to say yes or anything. and if i do it this way, no one will spread mean stuff about him being the one rejecting me, or something.”

“uh, i’m not following?  sorry. but you know haechan best, right? so stop second guessing yourself!”

“maybe. i just don’t want him to feel pressured…”

“dude, i think you should be the one feeling the pressure right now!  bet he’s never gonna let it go once he finds out you faked a lara jean.”

coincidentally, mr. do steps out the room at this time, probably to take a bathroom break and secretly call his boyfriend.  mark punches lucas square in the shoulder.

“hey man!” lucas frowns at him. “you know it’s true.”  

massaging his hand, mark calls out a trademarked, “okaaay!”

“okaaay,” lucas mimics mark’s tone. “enough about your boy.”

hendery snorts, and mark realizes, a bit mortified, that he must have heard his whole conversation with lucas despite his attempt to keep his voice lower.  mark isn’t sure if he should feel concerned when hendery only winks and points at his work, which appears to be some sort of, er, gundam?

“now,” says lucas, lovingly gazing at his own canvas. “do you guys think this looks like a moomin?”

yuqi makes her presence known again as she presses her shoulder to mark’s, says, “i don't know what a moomin is, but it looks pretty cute!”  she frowns and leans closer. “aren't we supposed to paint a representation of our dreams, though?”

lucas and yuqi start switching languages as they bicker light heartedly about what counts as a dream.  mark refuses to let it remind him of donghyuck, always trying to pick a fight with him, even back when they literally couldn't understand each other.

korean comes a lot easier to mark, now, but there are other barriers in place that still bother mark to this day.

mark hastily swipes his brush across his canvas when he hears the door slide open, but it seems like the pretense isn’t needed anymore.  mr. do must have had a good talk with his boyfriend because when he returns, he backs lucas up with a soft smile. “a dream can be a person, too, yuqi.”

do passes their easels, but not before he comments on mark’s painting of a beach, saying how he really likes how mark depicted his sun.  whatever expression mark makes at mr. do’s words makes hendery laugh so hard that he almost falls off his stool.

it only reminds mark of donghyuck even more, bringing him back to square one.

 

—

 

“‘i can’t take ten minutes without him,’” mina says dramatically into her mic once the next song starts playing, “mark lee, twenty nineteen.” 

mark rolls his eyes and kicks lightly at her chair.  “please don’t.”

mina only giggles, looking down and shuffling through the rest of the script.  as broadcasting club members, the two of them are scheduled to host the school’s radio show once a week. while mark genuinely does enjoy his shifts for the most part, mina always, somehow, has new material to tease him with every time the mics go off.

“but seriously though,” says mina.  she highlights her next ment and keeps her gaze on the papers.  “are you good?”

mark considers telling mina everything.  they're not each other's best friends or anything, but they've gotten pretty close over the years, being classmates and sharing the same clubs.

plus, it helps that mina is probably the one person who can relate to his situation the most.  she's got a reputation of her own: back in their first year, there was a paper that circulated throughout the male student body rating and tallying the school’s prettiest and hottest girls.

mina slid in at rank nine, but not without all the criticism and scrutiny that comes with the general, unfair distaste for her body type.

mark remembers how she walked up to him after he told off some jerks who were being mean about the dumb list.  how their distant relationship changed after mina asked, her voice ringing loud and clear throughout out the classroom, “hey, wanna be workout buddies?”

they already kind of were, with the friendly rivalry they had at dance club, but that wasn’t the point.  mark and mina, mina and mark. as donghyuck often claims, the pair have always channeled the same fire sign energy.

(also, speaking of donghyuck — mark can also relate a lot to the being really gay for a long time best friend thing.  mina doesn't talk about hyeyeon as much after the younger girl switched schools, but every now and then mina makes some vaguely obvious tweets on her priv account, which, well.  those are always a mood.)

all things considered, telling mina could even help ease the worries that have been sneaking up on him as the day goes on.  plus, she hasn’t been all too pleased with how the student body has been acting, either.

it came to the point that she made mark go with her and dayoung to the snack bar during their few breaks just to temporarily free 3-5 from the mark fangirls from hell.  mina’s definitely one mark can rely on.

mark decides to give it a try as the song is about to end, just to give her time to mull it over and for him to gauge her response.

“i’m good,” says mark, finally.  the whole truth would be too time consuming, so for now he shares the most important bit.  “honestly. i really wanted to tell him now, anyway.”

most people don't know this, since their opinion of mina is often colored by the dumb list and/or that cursed incident she had at dance club before former president im nayoung graduated, but mina usually takes a while to just… be out with it.

her step sister sejeong often teases her about her inability to get straight to the point (to which mina often giggles at, the phrasing a bit of a bullseye, because really, straight?  kang mina?) but mark likes to think it’s just her being thoughtful. careful.

on air, apink’s bomi trails off as she sings about a crush who doesn't quite understand her heart’s intentions.  it's the cue for mark to turn on their mics. “and that was ‘i don't know’ by apink. i don't know about you guys, but wasn't it a fun blast from the past?”

“mark-ssi, you're rather sentimental today!” mina says brightly, looking at mark as she talks into the mic, “is it the weather that’s making you so nostalgic? or is it, perhaps, the senior blues talking?”

“definitely the latter.  i can't believe we’re finally graduating and leaving all these memories in the past!”

mina starts scribbling something on the side of mark’s script as she ends the ment and segues into one of the student paid ads.  “heol, who would have thought our very own mark lee could be so sensitive?” she asks the listeners while her handwriting screams, ‘is it actually because of grad????  i thought you guys were confident in getting into nct u tho????’

the walls of the broadcasting room aren't that thin but somehow mark can still hear a loud, collective ‘awww.’  it's strange imagining all the students going about club activities and simultaneously busting an uwu upon hearing mina’s scripted tease over the intercom.  what everyone else doesn't hear is mark scratching back an answer, a brief ‘kind of’ whispered along the margins of mina’s paper.

“you could learn more about sensitivity by visiting the guidance office’s page at w-w-w dot…” mina’s voice doesn't betray the deadpan snark she always uses with the look she's giving mark right now.

“you know what else i’ve been thinking about lately?”

“what is it, mr. in touch with my feelings?”

“my plans for the future, my dreams.  when i was younger,” says mark, struggling not to laugh at the awkward yet eerily on point script, “i really wanted to be a billionaire.”

mina manages to end the ment and introduce the next song, and once the mics go off she actually starts swatting at his arm. “explain!  what is up with you!” she pouts. “what the hell? i thought we were friends i can’t believe—”

“okaaaay!”  mark tries to shove mina away, with poor results.  “i meant that graduation, and like, everything happening right now, just got me thinking.”

“oh my god,” mina says as she lifts her head and stares sorrowfully at the ceiling, “so this is just you experiencing sep anx for the first time?”

the whining noises mark makes don’t seem to earn him pity points with mina. “shut up, i’m serious.”  mark pouts at their mics. “you kind of said it yourself just a few minutes ago! this is the longest time we’ve technically been apart since we first met.”

“oh my god,” says mina again. “you’re such a baby.”  mark can’t help but feel a bit silly. perhaps mina understands his plight a little too well?  mina’s got plenty of close friends in college, after all — he heard that one of her older friends, chungha (the infamous list’s number four), has been abroad for at least a whole school year.

so maybe the flick she gives his forehead is a little bit valid.  “okay, so we can work on that clingy attitude,” mina says. “i understand that feeling, but you’re going to make it!”

“god, i’m not that clingy. it’s just — it’s got me thinking, alright?”

mina sighs. “if it’s not sep anx, then what is it?”  an awkward pause. “if it’s not sep anx, then i don’t know how i can help you there. i’m sorry.”

she props her chin on her fist, eyes finally meeting his intently. mark shakes his head and tells her the fact that she’s listening already means so much to him.

“i guess you could say it’s about, like, the figurative distance,” mark starts rambling, “between me and what could be.”

the thing is — it’s the broken bone that got him thinking.

with donghyuck, mark has always been very forward, not one to sugar coat his words.  he’s always felt a kind of responsibility when it comes to being on the same page, something that traces back as early as the days when they used korean to english dictionaries to communicate.

but if mark’s being honest with himself, there’s still something that’s always been there, thrumming quietly in his chest, that he’s never tried uttering even once.

having donghyuck always beside him never really brought about any urgency to speak up. the days just idled by, with the same faces and the same problems.

mark put a brave front as he fumbled around, and behind the scenes donghyuck was the one who called him out on all his dumb shit.  and in return, mark doted on donghyuck and encouraged him, made sure donghyuck wasn’t wallowing to the point that he stopped trying to fight for what he wanted.  

and between all that and donghyuck’s accident, mark watched donghyuck grow into someone more confident, glowing brighter and brighter with everyday they spent together.  loving him just became another routine, albeit a quiet one, that mark did all on his own.

donghyuck literally breaking a leg at the theatre club’s last show was the change mark never saw coming.

the thing is —

“it’s kind of sad that it took a broken leg for me to gain some perspective,” mark tells mina, “but i can’t just ‘unsee’ it, you know?  i thought that i was okay with what we are but… maybe things aren’t what they seem to be, after all.”

mark values his friendship with donghyuck more than anything, but maybe holding back on his feelings, albeit unknowingly, might mean that he’s not giving their friendship the respect it deserves.

so, in a sense, mina was kind of right about one thing.  it wouldn’t be a stretch to claim that golden boy mark lee is the most conscious about so called distances, always measuring the space between his goals.

there are several miles between him and his hometown, mark’s dreams to provide the best for his family airbound.  being one of dance club’s centers took hours of practice, and there was a lot of networking and studying to be done to keep up a good reputation worthy of voting as student council president.

now, he’s not quite sure how to strategize reaching his next goal: meeting donghyuck not as a friendly hyung, but maybe as something more.  he just hopes he’ll get there somehow, detours and reroutes be damned.

mark thinks again of what triggered it all, donghyuck’s leg, which is now healed. there’s a rumor that he’s coming back tomorrow; mark knows it’s true because he was the first one donghyuck told.

“damn,” mina says.  it looks like she’s about to tear up. mark looks away, embarrassed.  “that’s… something.”

“dude, please don’t cry.  we’re about to end the show and i really don’t want people teasing me for making you cry, too!”

“shut up!”

mina sheds a few tears anyway, but manages to keep it together when it’s her turn to speak.  she even surprises mark with some improv as she picks up where the last song ends, commenting slyly about an old video she saw of a fetus mark and donghyuck covering the very same song.

mark rolls his eyes.  while he’s not about to confirm everything, he can’t resist joking back, especially since he’s the one who effectively brought the mood down with such a dramatic monologue anyway.  “wow, it really has been a while, donghyuck-ah!” he laughs.

from where they’re placed in the middle of their setup, mark’s phone buzzes even more insistently alongside mina’s.  outside, the student body squeals again.

 

—

 

later that evening, mark’s about to doze off on his feet while waiting outside his cram school with lucas and yuqi.

lucas, who’s been trying to stretch his legs in the crowded sidewalk while also holding their shared umbrella aloft, starts the first conversation the trio have had since entering the study center.

“so,” lucas says with his shit eating grin, and somehow yuqi can tell he’s about to drop some fact bomb because she looks up from her phone at his next words, “who do you think is gonna be the first one to talk to haechan when he gets back?”

yuqi hums, rolling back on the balls of her feet.  “that’s implying no one’s given him a play by play of what happened at school today via messenger yet, though.”

“hey, what if his phone got messed up like mark’s did?”

mark massages his temples with aching fingers. he can’t muster the strength to tell them that donghyuck’s mom confiscated his phone from him about a week ago.

how these two have the energy to keep going honestly astounds mark every night.  yuqi glances at him and frowns. “hey, i know you’re really tired, but i think you’re going to have to deal with doyoung oppa,” she says as she tilts her blinding phone screen in his direction.

lucas and mark press their cheeks together as they squint at the screen.  it’s yuqi’s chat with her girlfriend, shuhua, but mark can’t really understand the text.  “oh,” lucas starts translating, and mark can actually feel the smile growing on lucas’s face, “shibe-san — is that your girl? — says that renjun told her — wow, isn’t it amazing that renjun knows everything? — that he had to explain mark’s situation to kun ge because ten hyung wanted to know what was up with his...” lucas stops here to make air quotes as he says the word “protege” in english.

mark’s mood dampens even more. “i wonder what he actually knows, though.”  he winces. “this is gonna be….”

yuqi pokes his side.  “hey, at least you can clear up the air right here, right now?  isn’t he the one dropping us off today?”

“yep,” lucas pops the p, gesturing towards the street with a nod and pushing the other two forward, “i see him now!  it’s like we summoned him, what the heck?”

the trio squeezes their way through the crowd and gets into the backseat of johnny’s car.  lucas shoves the soaked umbrella at their feet. jeno’s already in shotgun, telling doyoung about how yeeun almost fell into a manhole during today’s volunteer work.

“doyoung oppa, thanks for driving us again tonight!” says yuqi as she secures her seatbelt.  doyoung smiles mildly at her and tells her it’s his pleasure. “you kids must always be so tired,” he says as he starts driving away, “just keep studying hard and we’ll do our best to help with everything else, okay?”

jeno starts gushing about how cool doyoung just sounded and mark takes that as his cue to take a quick power nap.  unfortunately, his peace is very short lived, because suddenly lucas shoves lightly at him and makes a show of glancing at jeno and doyoung.

“jeno,” doyoung is saying with his i’m-not-mad-i’m-just-disappointed-in-you voice.  “what did you think you were going to accomplish by publishing your hyung’s personal work?  did you think it was no big deal?”

doyoung laughs monotonously.  his hands visibly tighten on the steering wheel. “well, if you thought it was all a joke, jeno, i’m not finding it funny at all.”

lucas nudges mark again and pointedly looks at the passenger visor.  jeno’s eyes are sending big s.o.s. signals through the visor’s mirror, and it’s only at jeno’s obvious distress that mark finally snaps out of it.

“hyung,” mark cuts in.  he hears yuqi stiffle what seems to be a sigh of relief. “it’s really no big deal.”

while mark is secretly pleased that doyoung would even scold jeno, his obvious favorite, when (it seems like) mark is on the short end of the stick, mark can’t bear to watch jeno suffer for something that technically isn’t even his fault.

“hyung, uh, i think we can kind of view this as a really advantageous, um, coincidence?”

mark tries again.  “i mean. i was going to, uh, confess anyway.”

jeno nods vigorously. “yeah,” he says, “it’s almost as if it was… on purpose.”

even without the conspicuous hinting, doyoung is still the sharpest hyung they all know.  he nods back at jeno in understanding. “ahhhhhh. i think i get it now.”

mark is about to actually thank the lord for such a simple confrontation — he’s going to have to bug yuqi after this for setting him up to expectations of energy consuming interrogation — when doyoung takes a figurative detour.

“well,” he starts, and mark realizes what a big mistake it is, to think this is all over, “good luck, mark.”

this time mark is the one who’s sending jeno distress signals through the mirror.

“i know i always say jeno’s the only one i love in this whole world. but it’s also true that i’m always earnestly hoping for the best for all you guys, not just jeno.”

doyoung turns down the radio before he continues.  “because of that, i sincerely hope i don’t have to have a fight with ten after this, mark. you know how he gets when donghyuck gets upset, and you know how i get when ten gets upset.  so, mark, you better not break any hearts, or else.”

wait, what?  this must be what everyone else at school felt like after reading mark’s most private thoughts. that’s what they all get for assuming, probably.

mark’s face must be the caricature of shock, his jaw already hurting as his mouth violently gapes open wider and wider with every word doyoung utters.

it hurts more when jeno adds, meekly, “ah, sorry hyung. i love you, but same here.”

mark feels lucas tense beside him, which feels kind of nice, knowing he’s got someone on his side.  the frustrated look lucas sends him only further boosts his confidence, but when he opens his mouth to defend himself and his (completely pure, mind you) intentions he suddenly jerks forward.

he looks around desperately and is thankful that everyone decided to wear their seatbelts today.

“oh fuck,” doyoung curses as he fumbles with the steering wheel, a sheepish grimace twisting his lips at the accusing honk of the car behind them.  “sorry guys, i got a little excited there. are we all good?”

the kids in the car mumble an assent.  “this always happens when you change lanes at this exact spot,” lucas says, and mark realizes he’s using the tone kun told him to use when doyoung’s being uncharacteristically distracted.  “are you that excited to get home? i forgot ten hyung and kun hyung got off work early today.”

“everything always seems farther than they actually are,” doyoung insists, but jeno, who once again flexes his powers of observation for the second time that day, predictably catches on to the inside joke only lucas and doyoung seem to know.

“objects in the mirror are closer than they appear,” jeno says sagely. “hyung, it even says that on the mirror!”

it’s hard to tell from the backseat, but mark thinks doyoung is blushing.  “hyung, what’s got you so distracted?” lucas asks as if he’s only gonna live for one more night, which only gets doyoung going even more.

yuqi giggles when mark locks eyes with her from behind lucas’s head.  all of this is just typical doyoung behavior, but mark starts laughing with her, anyway.

mark attributes the feeling of surviving such a wild day — the literal near accident just now, along with all the outside criticisms and unfounded assumptions that normally wouldn’t have bothered him at school — to how he ends up laughing the hardest he has the whole week.

 

—

 

mark is struck with a foreboding sense of dejavu when jaemin waves at him from the other side of the street, standing near the traffic light which serves as the midpoint between mark’s accomodation to the na household.

“you really don’t waste any time, do you?” mark laughs when jaemin runs toward him as soon as the light goes green, wrapping an arm around mark’s shoulders.

the unapologetic, toothy grin on jaemin’s face is an eerie echo of the one jaehyun greeted him with when mark got home in the late hours of the night.

jaemin always rushes to school get an early start on revising articles for club, never waiting for mark and donghyuck despite living in the same direction — much like how johnny and jaehyun always knock out immediately after coming home, too tired from uni work, only catching up with mark and his shenanigans at breakfast the next day.

“if this is about you ratting me out,” mark says, the conversation mirroring the one he had with jaehyun last night, “save it.  it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“cool!” jaemin presses closer to mark with a squeeze, a gesture that reminds him of donghyuck.  “because i was hoping that you were going to tell me what your plans for today were?”

mark shakes his head in disbelief. “i can’t believe this. using our pure friendship as a way to get the latest scoop?”  mark clicks his tongue. “how unethical.”

jaemin rolls his eyes. “always such a goodie two shoes, hyung.  it amazes me how donghyuck still likes you even if you’re the most no fun person ever.”

the shift in his demeanor gives mark whiplash.  what happened to the jungwoo impersonation he was pulling earlier, the big puppy eyes to get mark to accept whatever apology he had in mind?  jaemin should just forget all his nursing dreams and become an actor.

when mark tells him this, jaemin only throws his head back and laughs.  “i said the same thing to jaehyun hyung the other day! we really should leave the med life to chase after hollywood fame.”  the way he takes the barb in stride makes it sound like a compliment.

“are you trying to provoke me on purpose?”  mark tries to pull away but jaemin keeps dragging him along the familiar path to school.

everyone might call donghyuck the devil incarnate, but mark knows the truth: donghyuck’s just the rowdy one, and jaemin is the secret mastermind.  so much of the weird shit they do is jaemin’s fault.

“maybe!  will you tell me what’s up quickly, though?  i think we’re getting close to donghyuck’s building.”

mark relents.  he says, simply, “i’m going to ask him out during his free period after homeroom.”  he doesn’t add the part where he gets the flowers he asked lucas to sneak in, or how it took two months to convince mina to play a special song request at 8am sharp, which are all appropriately dramatic preparations and should hopefully appease donghyuck’s tastes.

jaemin starts squealing anyway, attacking his arm with several excited swats. it’s annoying but mark just bears it.

“wow, hyung, that’s so! exciting!  i’m so happy for you now that you've got your shit together.”  jaemin sighs dreamily. “gosh, donghyuck’s such a lucky bitch.”

“if anyone’s a lucky bitch today, i hope it’s me.”

“swoon,” jaemin deadpans.  “okay, that’s a little too much.  now, did you have a speech planned or am i gonna have to use my powers to help edit your confession?”  he starts rambling about not reusing the published letters, about how doing that would just be (self-)plagiarism.

though mark agrees with that last bit, he actually shudders at the thought of jaemin trying to write something romantic. knowing him, it would just make mark sound greasy.

“i’m good,” says mark.  “i actually kind of got help from the hyungs last night, even if they didn’t realize it.”

with surprisingly minimal embarrassment, he recounts how johnny and jaehyun teased him yesterday night to a delighted jaemin.

“it just had to be hyuck,” jaehyun had said, all confrontational for once.  it was weird seeing him so conflicted over his two most favorite dongsaengs.  “of all the cute boys out there, you just to pick the one that's also the devil incarnate?”

“ten and i were just talking about that a while ago!”  johnny’s mouth was shaped in a dramatic ‘o,’ the expression he always used to tease mark whenever he overreacted.  “why would our cute, hardworking, fully capable mark lee want to hold hands with the chaos that is lee donghyuck?”

in the present, mark tells jaemin, “my confession isn’t that… uh, it’s honestly kind of lame?”

“it doesn’t matter what you think!” jaemin gives mark one last slap to the arm.  “like what i said yesterday, i always knew you were a secret romantic. i’m sure it’ll be fine.”

a laugh startles out of mark.  when it comes down to it, jaemin really can be mark’s emotional support boy, huh.

unfortunately (or fortunately?  mark can’t tell over the hammering of his heart) the Moment they’re having is cut short by a familiar voice.

“what’ll be fine?” lee donghyuck, now perfectly healthy after months of rehabilitation, beams at them a few steps ahead.

“the usual,” jaemin sidesteps both figuratively and literally, pulling away from mark and steering the conversation towards donghyuck.  “hey, how are you feeling about your big post hiatus come back?”

donghyuck drops mark’s gaze in favor of greeting jaemin with a handshake.  mark tries not to feel a bit disappointed.

“i’m feeling good!  brrr!” donghyuck laughs at the same time the clouds overhead are blown away from the sun, the morning light making donghyuck look extra glowy.  today’s forecast claimed a break from the rains that have been plaguing seoul for months, after all.

mark has to look away.  staring for too long isn’t good for his health.

donghyuck falls into step between jaemin and mark, linking all their arms together and making them walk as one big human sandwich.  mark zones out a bit as the other two talk about that drama that aired yesterday, willing his earlier confidence to come back.

this is when it all begins, the attempt to reach out. ultimately, staying on the same wavelength doesn’t just mean speaking the same language.

after a while, jaemin trails ahead, apparently spotting a friend he needs to talk to.  what an actor, mark thinks again.

mark turns to donghyuck, fearing that he’ll end up tripping over his words long before the time he’s even planned to confess, but he finds that it’s almost too easy to maintain a conversation, all the familiar motions and banter that comes with years of friendship.

“dude, i just wanted to convert my starpass points,” donghyuck whines, and it takes all of mark’s power to not be too obvious as he stares at the pout of donghyuck’s lips. “when my mom gave me back my phone the other day it just kept crashing…”

“oh,” says mark faintly.  “i mean, it was a week’s worth of messages.  why did your mom take your phone from you, anyway?”

all of a sudden, donghyuck leans in even closer, squinting up at mark’s face and grabbing his hands.  “hmm.”

“hmm?”

donghyuck starts to slip his hands away but mark tightens his grip.  mark doesn’t want to get too delusional but he swears donghyuck’s face looks a bit redder than usual.

“i meant, hmm.  my mom needed to call up school and all those other important people, remember?”

mark still doesn’t think donghyuck’s mom would need his phone to get all those numbers (knowing mrs. lee, wouldn’t she have them already?) but mark doesn’t push it.  “alright, then.” he motions his head towards the school entrance and lets go of donghyuck’s hands. “are you ready to head inside already?” 

“um, sure.”

“listen, before we go in — i’m gonna pull you out during your free period this morning.”  mark takes a good look at donghyuck’s expression as he speaks. donghyuck’s fingers curl tightly around the straps of his backback, but he doesn’t back down from mark’s stare.

mark smiles.  is he reading this right?  maybe donghyuck understands, after all — maybe he always has.

when the pause grows a bit too long, mark’s smile falters a bit. “is that okay?” he adds.

“you know what?” donghyuck, always two steps ahead, surprises mark by planting a soft kiss on his cheek.  “sure. i’ll see you then!”

donghyuck runs up the stairs, seemingly unaware of the crowd that parts as he passes them on his way to the school doors.  the familiar feeling of floodlights focus on mark, too busy dopily smiling at space to hear the trilling of the school bell, the cue for everyone to get the fuck to class.

 

—

 

mina’s voice greets him as he walks through the junior hallways. a bunch of familiar faces peek out of their classrooms.  his phone starts blowing up again once people start noticing the sunflowers clenched in his other fist.

“good morning, xx high!  this is kang mina and i’m here with 2-2’s chani and 2-4’s hyunjin.”

donghyuck would say it’s showtime, maybe mention something about breaking a leg.  mark smiles to himself as he goes through what he wants to say in his head.

the floodlights are back again, following and illuminating his every move, but he knows they’ll never know what’s playing safely in his mind.

the thing is, mark’s never met anyone like donghyuck before.  no one else has seen almost everything behind the persona the world’s crafted for mark and still decides to stay.  still decides that he’s worth it, somehow recognizing something in him that even he himself doesn’t see.

no one else has ever changed him in the way donghyuck has, the way the younger boy unknowingly fuels mark’s need to keep changing and improving through his very existence.

from vancouver to new york to seoul, donghyuck is the one person his mind keeps wandering back to.  it took a long while to get here, but now, mark wants to close the distance and face donghyuck for real.

the floodlights are back again, and once mark’s standing before the same classroom he barged in on yesterday morning, he takes a breath to calm himself.  he lets everyone look; it’s like the dilemma of the tree falling silently in a lonely forest.

if mark doesn’t say how he feels, how can he expect donghyuck to understand?  if mark doesn’t show him in a way he can understand, how can he expect anything to change?

mark slides the classroom door open and takes a step, a chance.  the scene before him is familiar, all down to the way almost all the 2-2 students start gaping at him.

“hyung,” renjun says when he sees mark standing at the door of their classroom.  “are you still mad at—?”

renjun nearly tears chenle’s homework in shock when he realizes what’s about to happen, and mark lets himself feel just a tiny bit pleased at the response.  (sorry renjun, mark says pettily in his head, with this Power Move i’m surely graduating from no fun line.)

“hey guys,” says mark when he reaches the desks of his friends.  the first year girls eavesdropping by the door gasp in unison at mark’s next words.  “mind if i borrow donghyuck for a sec?”

“sure,” jaemin says, not missing a beat.  he doesn’t bother looking up from his webtoon, as per usual, but he gives mark a thumbs up with his free hand.

right on cue, jeno enters the room with double the usual amount of snacks.  he winks as he sails past mark and effectively steals away 2-2’s attention with a, “yo, today snacks are on me!”

during the commotion caused by the war on snacks jeno’s slyly orchestrated, mark grabs donghyuck’s wrist and pulls him out of the classroom.

there’s not much time before both the break and mina’s radio shift ends, so mark decides it’s just best to get this over with right here and now.  he lets go of donghyuck and properly faces him for the first time since they parted ways this morning.

“hey, you,” donghyuck says, and abort abort abort, he’s smiling.  he’s giving mark the sweetest smile.

typically the sight would make his knees wobble, make his hands shake.  but it only makes mark stand straighter and take another step.

mark says, “hey, you.”  when he offers the sunflowers donghyuck hastily accepts them, their fingers brushing all too briefly.  donghyuck must be a mind reader, because he grabs mark’s hand with his free one.

“unless i’m reading this all wrong,” mark says, squeezing donghyuck’s hand, “and i hope i’m not, but…”

“god, spit it out mark lee.”  donghyuck shifts and it seems almost awkward, nervous.  “break’s almost over.”

mark tugs donghyuck closer when the younger boy looks away, realizing that there are still other people in the hallway, not so subtly staring.  floodlights.

“don’t mind that.  just focus on me for a few seconds?”  mark tries a smile of his own. “uh, i’ll just — i’ll just say it.  i really.. want to be closer, stay closer to you?”

donghyuck laughs before mark can ramble on some more. “i’m not going anywhere, hyung,” he says, his lip trembling just a little. “you’re just graduating.  this isn’t one of yuta hyung’s sports anime.”

someone farther down the hallway goes, “oof, that ain’t it.”  mark silently agrees. suddenly, the (gay,) unwanted panic sets in.

of course, mark has accounted for the evasion donghyuck’s bound to pull, with how he’s done it so many times before.  but watching him try it now makes mark wonder if his current attempt will actually bridge the gap for once.

(well, all his other attempts were technically non-attempts since they weren’t on purpose.  hindsight is still kind of a bitch.)

but.  but, it would be a lie to say mark isn’t afraid.  to bare himself so honestly in the glare of the floodlights, to donghyuck…

but it’s donghyuck, the boy who made such a great attempt to understand him back when he was still a nobody, freshly transferred and so painfully shy.  no one had ever been so earnest in getting to know him before donghyuck — no other person he’s ever met ever even compares to donghyuck.

it’s donghyuck, the brightest star in his life, who was somehow okay with existing as his most guarded secret, locked up in his heart for half a decade.

now mark’s chest is overflowing, his body filling with light. “i meant it like a confession, donghyuck,” mark says.  the words come out sunkissed. “i want to get closer to you. i like you.”

“oh.” donghyuck blinks once, then twice.  “why didn’t you just say so?”

when mark laughs, even he privately thinks he probably looks like a madman. the other students watching predictably let out a relieved exhale at the sound, as if they’re fucking ya protagonists.

“just like that?” mark asks, incredulous.

donghyuck nods, says, “just like that.”  all of a sudden mark feels silly for imagining such a distance between the two of them.  he should have known he was only a hop and a step away from, well, this.

“what, did you actually think i didn’t like you back?”  donghyuck teases, and mark steels himself for the total migraine that he’s come to expect everytime donghyuck pulls this shit.

except it seems like the universe is on mark’s side this morning.  “oh my god, can we pass now?” an annoyed girl shoves past them, and donghyuck snaps out of his heart eyed daze to mumble an apology. “sorry hyunjin.”

“aw, feel no guilt, hyuckie!” renjun calls from his perch on one of 2-2’s windows, beside jaemin who’s probably snapping the whole event.  “don’t apologize. i bet hyunjin’s just mad she lost the bet.”

“what bet?”

“she bet against mark,” jaemin confirms, “while i, on the other hand, had full faith that he’d be the one to confess before graduation.”

“maybe you did, but you’re technically still wrong!” hyunjin hisses.  “you said mark would, like, serenade him! be extra about it!”

jaemin’s about to start going off about how mark was extra enough with the letters already — “what letters, hyung?” donghyuck turns to mark with starry eyes, and oh fuck, he’s totally gonna embarrass himself explaining that later — when mark’s favorite girl in the world pulls through and shuts everyone up.

“hey, xx high!” kang mina’s voice blasts through the hall. it’s her last ment of the day.  “the last song i have for you today is actually a special request! you owe me one, council prez.”

donghyuck swats at mark’s shoulder when he recognizes the song.  cute.

“noooo,” hyunjin laments. “not fucking thriller.”

jaemin cackles.  “tomorrow, snacks are on me, boys!”

 

—

 

later, after an impromptu dance party, donghyuck and mark are leaning into each other, giggling and shamelessly staring at each other.  

“how convoluted, mark lee,” donghyuck says when they catch their breaths. “are you even the real mark lee?  how did you even think of all this?”

mark shrugs.  “isn’t this what you like though?”  he gestures to the flowers.

donghyuck rolls his eyes.  “i like you, dumbass. i’d like anything you do, anything we do together.”  he uses his nagging voice but his cheeks are so, so pink.

it’s not like mark is faring any better, though, so he keeps quiet and doesn’t bully donghyuck about it.  instead he runs donghyuck’s words over and over in his head, so glad that he’s found the one person in this world that could love all of him just the way he is.

mark feels like he could go any distance with the strength those words give him, but for now, with donghyuck’s hand finally in his, he’s rather content with standing still.

**Author's Note:**

> (unsolicited) fun fact: the day after i wrote the scene with doyoung i actually ended up in a car accident so uh...... what goes on....
> 
> anyway if you made it this far, thank you so much for giving my fic a chance! <3 i think i still have lots of room for improvement but i promised myself i'd post this before feb ended and also cos i need to start studying for a test i have tmrw morning so haha !! i hope that this entertained you even just a tiny bit <3


End file.
